checked out on the course i was offered..

hey. not bad you know. hahas. it's pretty, lucrative, i think. what more a small island like singapore needs more of OUR management. HAHAS. haiyo.

HOW.

i think if there's ever a god, of which i personally do (think that there's a god..), He's testing me if I would pray. or if i would ever go on a no-red-meat-diet.

You know, when human are desperate, they pray. they DO, yes they do. either that, or they go on a no-red-meat-diet. (AHAHHASASA. insider joke)

Anyway, i had tonnes of fun with the ladies last night. who on earth was the one to suggest a late night out on a mid-week day! @#$#$# hahas. made me sleepy and sore in the morning when i have to get out of the warm comfy bed in the super cold air conditioned room...

i fell asleep last night while scratching cookie. he tried to move my hands to wake me up so that i could continue to scratch him.. it did. it woke me up. and when i woke up, i off the lights and went striaight to slumber land! ahahas. poor cookie.

anyway, poor cookie reminds me of poor sasha who left her poor cosmetic bag on the poor floor that was eaten by poor cookie who then had lipstick all over his poor furry face and poor furry paw. it was a victoria secret lip gloss. poor thing!

thank you to my family who's really cool about everything. you are really nice.

sometimes, when in deep thoughts, i just feel like strangling myself for writting a damn bloody stupid essay. like seriously. there were so many other boring topics to write. why the hell must i choose something i couldnt do at all.

 for one stupid mistake, it's taking away so many chances from me. one stupid moment and decision, cost me my efforts in reading and memorising all my hist econs geog and math notes. (they are all effing thick!!!!) one stupid pride, i screwed my life. I just need a mediocre grade for gp and that's it. everything would be so damn different. i might as well fail all my other subs and i would still be in the same position today.

there's so much of reflection done. and i actually cant find/obtain self satisfaction in myself. I really hope/think it's my period that's causing this depression mode in me. because usually, i am very easily contented and i am more optimistic than normal people is with themselves. i want to quit job and start hibernating at home. stay protected. maybe it's because i get to see university interns at work. they look very .. i-am-in-a-university-and-you-are-not-!!!. they remind me of myself in this piece of shit.

(of course i would not quit. the thought of working till july is lingering at the back of my mind..)

the tough competition in uni application is one good reminder of how foreign talents are here to snatch opportunities away from local mediocre singaporeans. it's just the beginning i guess. even if working hard to improve our capabilities, there's just an intellectual limit for all. if an E grade is my max, it's my max! so when smart alex from china/indo/malaysia/europe/aust comes to tiny singapore, mediocre locals who are just so average are ripped off of opportunities. not even counting those below average locals.  not that i'm blaming why they are here. i am just identifying a trend.

i hope that one day, when i walk along the streets, i will find a big bag of gold. i will take it and will not report about it. (YES) I know it's a gift from god to me. I will save them in the bank and earn interest. will open a shop for my own business (it's great to be your own boss! no need to report to someone else with your progess and stuff..) give some to my sister and mother and father. maybe half a bar each to my close friends... maybe i can give cookie a golden tag instead of his stainless steel one now..

i shall start walking more often from today.. must create the opportunities for god to communicate with me..

i need to stupidly wait for this lady to arrive and pick up these sunsilk items before i can run out of the office for my long awaited lunch. grrr

my boss thought i already had lunch or perhaps she couldnt even be bothered. she just went, ' oh i am so hungry. can you wait for christine instead. i need to go for lunch.

WAIT. SHE"S HERE! hahas

because my sister always give me the most constructive advices, I know she loves me most!

i am thinking if my one hour of time is really worth $7.

and, as much as we are all taught that we are kind at/since birth, i highly doubt so.
maybe if i keep rattling, christians might think i'm the devil.
my theory is that:

we are all evil by nature. It's how socities; communities; religions and civiliisations come up with theories to educate one to be a better person that we are much better people today. they write about retribution and how being kind or pure would eventually pay. so we fear being bad. in other words, we appear kind cause we know being bad doesnt pay. and since it PAYS to be good, we be good. see, the GREED of one's desire to be 'PAID'?

It's really easy to quote an example but it's rather touchy. So go figure and you would end up as puzzled as me.

conclusion? I think when deciding one something, dont bother whether you think it's good or bad. think if it's worth or not.

I have to come up with an essay to appeal against the decision of NUS!

seriously, if you are really against my GP score, I think there isnt much for me to appeal.

I have just gotten news from NUS.

Not exactly the best I can get. In fact, it's the worst.

The strange and sad thing is. It's people who have expectations for me are the one feeling really disappointed.

Honestly, it's not what I was expecting. But having a chance to study a degree is what I am really thankful for already. Yea. I mean if I get this, what about others? (of course, getting into this course is really risky as I may not be able to feed myself cause I think I wont earn much.)

my dad expects me to pick up accountancy, just because it's what my sis studies and hence, accountancy is the best course. So maybe it's hard to except that i am in this.
My sister? She quite an elitist. So getting into this course is like bananas (because, 'SHIT is bananas. B.A.N.A.N.A.S.') hehe.
My mom haven reply my msg. Cause it takes her quite some time to text and she, prefers to save the few cents. =)

it's time of the year to.. APPEAL again. hahas. see, a poor and stupid student like me alwaysssssssss have to APPEAL. so sick of it. and lazy to do it.

I think i should take 2.5 hours off to cry mourn and weep. BUT MY BOSS AINT AROUNDDDDD. Maybe I should just leave. Hahas. Since there's nothing much to do.

meeting up with von maine drea for dinner.

the swim on sunday was really good but the effects were just a little too hot and painful. hahas.
like in the past, we were chatting in a pool. A baby pool. hahas.  

insecured piece of crap

some people are just so funny while others are not.

hahas. hahahahas.

i love the internet for ..

Healing Hands three!!